I was supposed to meet this inmate on the 4th of July. Unfortunately, he was tossed in the fridge with a macrobrew. By the time morning came around, there was nothing we could do but through this bad boy in the hole. Goes by the name of San Quentin’s Breakout Stout and has been known to run with a crew called Marin Brewing. Who am I? I’m the warden.
Breakout is no young buck, new to the draft brewing game, he’s got a rap sheet that dates back to a GABF Gold in 1989. After doing some time in the state fairs, he made the big time again in 1996 with another gold at the World Beer Cup. Since then he’s been keeping his nose relatively clean.
When I first saw him in my kitchen I knew his type. I’ve seen tons of stouts in my time. Thick opaque body, thick creamy off white head, you look real tough, but I know what’s going on in there. You stouts are all about appearances, the kids think because you look tough that you’re strong, that you can take them down. I know better.
I got a little closer, he stunk of roasted barley. Coffee? Chocolate maybe? I’m telling you, I got you pegged.
This stout surprised me though. I tried him on for size and he punched me in the mouth. Tough on the outside, he actually backed it up, throwing up 7.0%. Not only that, but a real thick mouth feel. The coffee flavor was intense, and might have been enough to tell me that this one was beyond help, but I saw something. Sure he was strong, rough and rugged, but there was a slight bit of sweetness, buried in there. This one was worth saving.
Unfortunately, I’m just the warden here, I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them. You come around here, don’t look for Breakout Stout. Ask too many questions, and you might not like the answers. If you really want to know, check out back. You’ll find a blue bin, open it. Down in the bottom is all that’s left. An empty bottle. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time. You young beers rememeber that. Slip up, and Warden Mario is waiting.